If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
