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Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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