had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
