Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
