i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
