cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
