im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
