Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
