WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
