What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
