I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
