I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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