I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
