I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
