Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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