i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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