it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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