This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
