A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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