What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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