I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My vagina just clenched in fear
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
God, I missed his penis.
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