I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You need a sexual gate keeper
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
