seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
