3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
