Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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