writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
