Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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