I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
