just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
