No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
