She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
