she looked like the bat from fern gully.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
