Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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