my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
