Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I lost the right to judge tonight
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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