Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
