Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So many bounce houses so little time
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
