After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
