I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's blow job season.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
