mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
