So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
