i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize