Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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