my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
