Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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