dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
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Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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