At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
