she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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