HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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