oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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