Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
