Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
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Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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