k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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