you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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