I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize