she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
