I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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