so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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