Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
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He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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