she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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