cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
