How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
