I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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