if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
