Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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