Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
