hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
