Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
