Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
