just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
