This girl is more easily done than said...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
They have beer where we have blood.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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